So, dear readers, I've put together this handy fact sheet about swine flu.
Can I get swine flu after holding one of those cute little animals at the Northgate Country Club Easter Brunch?
Luckily, no. swine flu is transmitted just like the regular flu - mostly through being sneezed on or coughed at.
A kid at a recent birthday party squealed like a pig when it was time to leave. Am I at risk?
Probably. You never know if that kid didn't want to leave or was part pig.
A guy at the grocery store smelled pretty bad. Was I exposed?
Probably. He could be part pig and, thus, a carrier.
We had some delicious pork sandwiches the other day. Should I be worried?
I may have sneezed and/or coughed while slicing the meat, so I'd see a doctor ASAP.
Is it OK to still eat pork?
Yes. Swine flu is transmitted through particulates in the air. As long as no one nearby is chewing with his/her mouth open, you're not at risk.
What is the best way to prevent spreading swine flu?
Cover your mouth when coughing or sneezing. You should cough or sneeze into the crook of your arm (then, don't rub the crook of your arm onto someone's face, unless of course you really don't like the person). Wash your hands often for at least 15 to 20 minutes. Recite "This Little Piggy" several times to ensure a thorough wash. Don't kiss any pigs, unless, of course, it looks like this. How could you resist?
In all seriousness, swine flu might mean I have to spend a few extra days with my kids at home because the powers that be might decide to cancel preschool. Or Kindermusik. Or MOPS. As long as HEB continues to sell wine, this too shall pass.